Viral Week is our weekly round-up of the weekend’s trending memes, humor, rumor, gossip, and everything else Chinese netizens are chatting about. Think of this as the moment your Didi app finally lets you know that you’re next in the queue…

This week, the dams burst on a car wash, a Didi passenger takes the wheel, ticket violations galore, and Kris Wu fans (and haters) get up to all kinds of mischief. But first…

Bathroom lunch break

There are many ways to tell if something is clean, but a company in Fujian seems to have found most unpleasant and offensive way possible, reports the Xinming Daily. A deputy manager was filmed encouraging workers to eat glutinous rice cakes from the company’s urinals in a bizarre attempt to champion bathroom cleanliness. Workers praised the cakes as “delicious and fragrant” and proceeded to enjoy a full meal, with the manager mentioning that this was a 25-year company tradition.

Commenters pointed out that, as gross as the behavior appears to be, the incident was indicative of a highly hierarchical working culture that forces employees to play along with even the most offensive activities to save face for the boss—and their jobs.

Kris Wu starts losing war

For the past week, Rap of China celebrity judge Kris Wu, plus his legions of (almost entirely female) fans have been involved in an online war with long-time users of (almost entirely male) sports forum Hupu.

It all started, last Wednesday, when a user posted an audio clip of dreadfully off-pitch freestyle in a Hupu thread, claiming it to be Wu’s pre-production vocals.

“Kris Wu’s voice without autotune, how many seconds can you endure?” reads the thread post. (Image via Li Videos)

Girl fans of the Chinese-Canadian singer started defending their idol in this thread, which brought out more roasting from Hupu users, mainly using Wu’s second most famous catchphrase, “skr.” Things quickly spiraled out of control, with both camps declaring “war” on each other.

“This is a war, JRs [a name used on Hupu to identify fellow users] are you ready? I’m ready skrskr”. (Image via Li Videos)

Eventually, Wu himself got involved. His team claimed that they would sue against OP who distributed the viral audio clip, claiming it is not Wu’s real voice and has been tampered with for “malicious purposes.” Wu also denounced Hupu on his personal Weibo, which has over 30 million followers, promising a diss track in revenge. Unfortunately, a number of other Chinese rappers have already their own diss tracks, roasting Wu for his famously meager rapping skills, meaning, once more for Kris Wu, attempts to keep things real result in an embarrassing roast.

Kris Wu tells Hupu fans to go and listen to him sing acapella rather than spreading distorted audio clips. (Image via Li Videos)

Traffic violations racks up for delivery driver

If there is a Guinness World Record for the most traffic violations by a single person, food deliveryman Mr. Kang in Foshan, Guangdong province, may be a number-one contender. According to the Yangcheng Evening News, on July 27, Foshan traffic police noticed that a motorcycle has violated its traffic rules 65 times in 10 days.

Further research found that the same vehicle also has racked up 959 traffic offences, unprocessed since 2013, which could result in 3,351 demerit points to the violator’s driving license and a fine of 179,300 RMB.

Having now been caught, Kang told police he broke the rules mainly to meet delivery deadlines. As Kang was, in fact, unqualified to even drive a motorcycle (having only a C1 driver’s license, and borrowed the bike from a relative), he will lose 12 points and his driver’s license, pay a fine between 200 and 2000 RMB, serve detention for a maximum of 15 days, and share the 3,351 demerit points and 179,300 RMB fine with the motorcycle’s owner—presumably, now, a very unhappy relative!

Unexpected washout

In the name of the traditional Chinese virtue of frugality, a man in Chengdu, Sichuan province, recently stopped his Land Rover by a river hoping to score a free DIY car wash. He got more than he bargained for, however, the operators of a dam chose that moment to open its floodgates upstream; predictably, the man was soon trapped: Video footage shows him abandoning his car and running onto a small island to call police.

Firefighters eventually saved the driver, and it’s not known how many washes he could have paid for with the money he’ll now have to spend repairing his waterlogged vehicle.

(Video from CGTV)

Taking the wheel from Didi

Last week, a car accident involving Didi Chuxing went viral, after it emerged that the vehicle was being driven by a passenger and not the driver.

On July 22, a couple surnamed Pang and Wang hailed a Didi from Yan’an to Xi’an, Shaanxi province. As Mr. Pang later told Huashang News, after refilling at a service station, the driver, Mr. Li, asked the couple to take over while he rested. Ms. Wang agreed, reluctantly, and ended up hitting a truck; Wang and Li suffered only minor injuries, but Pang had several fractures and was hospitalized.

In the enduing row over compensation for the accicent, Li claimed that Wang was responsible for the accident and Pang’s injuries. Didi’s customer service has promised compensation—provided Pang’s family can submit proper “documentation”—but as the traffic police did not issue any accident report, the pair have hit a bureaucratic hurdle. It’s not clear who now bears responsibility for the accident. Lawyer Zhao Liangshan tells Huangshang News that passengers need to be careful in these situations: Li technically violated Didi’s contract of carriage by refusing to deliver his passengers, but Wang also overstepped her contracted responsibilities by agreeing to drive. Presumably the lesson here is, don’t hail a cab and drive?

In other news…

Former internet czar, one of Time magazine’s most powerful people, and dairy enthusiast Lu Wei is indicted for bribery

A strange ad, featuring schoolboys discussing their plans to get circumcised, is doing the rounds

Fresh round for the #MeToo movement raises hopes, as well as fears of a false dawn